MomTok and Using Religion for Clout
"How will Montauk survive this!"
I went on a girls’ trip with my bestie to New Orleans and we caught the ONLY hurricane in Louisiana this summer, so while luxuriating in our historical VRBO we watched The Princess and the Frog (setting), the VMAs (opportunity), and five episodes of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (the right trash at the right time). We both want to be Charlotte La Bouff; we’re mad at Chappell Roan for her stance on Israel/Palestine but can’t stop singing HOT TO GO!; and we love a good trainwreck that makes us look normal. Let’s get into it.
At first glance, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is a perfect example of working on a creative project – in this case, videos for influencing – when the line between friendship and coworking gets confused. The reality show follows eight influencers, all Mormon mothers, who band together under the #MomTok brand. (Or, as they all pronounce it, “Montauk.”) Throughout the first season, various members talk about being friends with each other, but it’s extremely clear that the branding was more opportunistic than a fun, organic thing that came out of them all hanging out together.
The trailers for the show make it seem like the storyline will be an alpha brawl for power after a swinging scandal rocked the MomTok brand. (Unfortunately, there is no actual swinging on the show.) Taylor is the creator of MomTok, a recurring hot mess, and the one who broke the swinging scandal in 2022.
Whitney is so tone deaf and unable to read a room that she once posted a video of herself dancing and crying in the hospital next to her baby’s incubator when he had RSV.
But they never actually battle it out on the show. Instead, Taylor gets pregnant and pretty much checks out of the MomTok drama, while Whitney feels ganged up on by the other members and bounces halfway through the season.
Obviously, this isn’t what the producers had in mind. The timing of filming is really strange: the pilot starts some time in 2022 – understandably, it was likely on the heels of the swinging stuff – then fast forwards four months (?), then the next episode is 12-18 months after that or something. I don’t know! Maybe they filmed the pilot on spec and didn’t get to filming the rest of the show until it was bought?
Anyhow, the effect of all these gaps (in addition to Whitney’s hair evolution) is that Taylor is no longer available to fight for her alpha position. She goes through a miscarriage and then a pregnancy with Dakota, her boyfriend and the personification of her triggers and toxic behavior, and spends the entire season crying about their relationship. Whitney never expresses a desire to lead MomTok, but Demi, the beta-ist beta to ever beta, thinks she might? Maybe? If people will listen to her, she’d be happy to lead?
The problem is that half of these women are super frum. Mikayla is basically a rabbi’s daughter, though we don’t see much of her. (I think she took a long time to get ready because of her chronic skin disease?)
Jen forgets her garments for one of the trips. When she’s describing their Vegas trip to her husband, he tells her it would be hard being divorced with two kids (!!) so she should think real long and hard about what she’s going to do with these other heathen ladies, even though the paycheck is gonna pay for his education.
At one point, MomTok splinters into two groups – the Sinner and the Saints, AKA those comfortable going to a Chippendales show and those whose husbands are going to divorce them for it.
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(Please enjoy this random TikTok, where Jen Affleck and Mario Lopez clearly have chemistry and are both super uncomfortable about it.)
While I’m sure the piety here is sincere to some degree, there are a lot of fringe benefits to being the most religious member of a group. Sure, sure – who wants to be a stick in the mud? Who wants to be known as the prude who can’t take a joke?
But aside from doing it for God, there’s the status within the church (which no one enters on the show). There’s the tight-knit community, which rewards piety. There’s the freedom to leave the house, and to be influencers above suspicion. We’re the good influencers! We would never do that terrible swinging stuff! Yuck!
When MomTok splinters into “Sinners” versus “Saints”, it's not just a matter of who’s willing to drink and who isn’t: it's about different members vying for control. The “Sinners” push boundaries because it makes the others uncomfortable, and if you’re on the defensive, you’re not playing offence. Meanwhile, piety gives the “Saints” control within MomTok, wielding shame to make the others conform to their ideas.
I guess anyone who wasn’t, like me, more religious than they are now might look at the “Sinners” and ask why they’re still Mormon. If they want to drink coffee and go to a Chippendales show, why are they still religious?
It’s not hard to guess, though: Maybe they still believe in God, and they’re just tempted to go astray. It’s their community and they don’t want to leave it. It’s their family and they don’t want to disappoint them. There are any number of reasons why a person would choose to stay in a religion that they no longer conform to.
You either grew up within an organized religion or you didn’t.
Between Jen’s husband, and the Ballerina Farm article that showed how controlling the husband is, my hope is that some of the people who are stuck will get a good look at their situation through fresh eyes. There’s nothing like a new perspective to help bring about change, and some of these ladies are not being allowed to reach for the stars.
Don’t you know?
You shouldn’t need anyone’s permission.